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Understanding The Self

Hello Lovely Souls! Hope you are having a great week and for those that celebrated Eid (or are still celebrating, I hope you all had (or having) an amazing one. Haha!

Well this is my first blog post on Chai Time Wednesdays (although it is being published on a Thursday 😂) and it feels nice to be writing for once. Somehow, I managed to steal this slot from my dear wife, Rabail.

So for this week, we have decided to touch on a topic which we have mentioned briefly in our respective Podcast Episodes and Youtube Videos - Emotional Intelligence or as some say EQ.

You may ask, “what is emotional intelligence and why do we keep mentioning it time and again?” Before I go into answering this question, have you ever encountered people who are always calm and rational despite being in any situation? They somehow manage to keep their cool and handle even the most awkward situations with grace or make people feel at ease around them. Chances are that such people possess a high level of emotional intelligence.

In simple terms, emotional intelligence involves the ability to handle and manage our emotions. If you read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, he mentions that this type of intelligence is vital for success and it might be even more important than IQ. In addition, it has been said that emotional intelligence is linked to every aspect of our life - from decision making to academic achievements.

So what does it take to be emotionally intelligent? Author Daniel Goleman has suggested that there are 5 key components of emotional intelligence:

  1. Self-Awareness

  2. Self-Regulation

  3. Motivation

  4. Empathy

  5. Social Skills

Last week we touched in depth on Social Skills and how you can use them in different situations. As such, we will be focusing on the remaining aspects of emotional intelligence in this week’s theme. We will cover Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation in this blog post, Motivation in Unwind with The Khans and Empathy in The Two Souls One Chai Podcast.

Let’s get started!


Self-awareness is the ability to recognise your own emotions and it is an important skill that one should acquire. Once you start understanding your emotions, it is important to be aware of your mood, action and emotions of people around you.

For you to become self-aware, you need to be equipped with checking your own emotions, understanding different emotional responses, and afterward effectively distinguishing every single emotion. Self-aware people likewise perceive the connections between the things they feel and how they act.

These people are likewise fit for perceiving their own strengths and weaknesses, are open to new information and encounters, and gain from their interactions with others. Daniel Goleman proposes that individuals who have self-awareness have an excellent sense of humour, are sure about themselves and their capacities, and know about how others see them.

Some tips on how you can gain Self-Awareness:

  • Ask for constructive feedback from people around you

  • Start a journal (you can check out our printable to get started with this habit)

  • Be open to learning new skills

  • Meditate (Headspace is a good app to get into this habit)

  • Pay attention to your emotions and thoughts

  • Reflect on your experiences and set goals

  • Get into the habit of positive thinking

Once you have started monitoring your own emotions and the effect you have on others, Emotional Intelligence expects you to have the option to balance and deal with your feelings. And this is where Self-Regulation comes in handy.


This does not mean putting emotions on lockdown and concealing your actual feelings, it just means hanging tight for the ideal setting to communicate them. Self-regulations is tied in with communicating your feelings in the most appropriate manner.

Individuals who are talented in self-regulation will in general be adaptable and adjust well to change. They are additionally calm at managing struggles or conflicts and diffusing tense or tough situations.

Daniel Goleman likewise proposes that those with solid self-regulation abilities are high in principles. They are insightful about how they impact others, and they assume liability for their own behaviour.

Some tips on how you can gain Self-Regulation:

  • Be mindful of how you think and feel about yourself and others

  • Find ways to manage tough situations which arise in difficult emotions

  • Look at challenges as opportunities

  • Practise your communication skills

  • Remember it is your decision on how you want to react

  • Work on accepting your emotions and feelings


In the end we are frequently fearful or negative about things we do not understand or see, however as we learn, develop and comprehend ourselves better, those feelings of fear gradually vanish.

And always remember that - Self-awareness and Self-regulation involves deep personal honesty. It comes from asking and answering hard questions.

With Love,

Umair and Rabail Umair Khan

P.S. Feels great to be writing my name first at the end of the blog post. Haha

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